You can find it in the bandages and ointment used to treat skinned knees.
In the crisp, neatly tied shoe laces on the first day of school. It's in cleaned-up toy rooms, worn-out car seats and tiny bathroom step stools. It's in the perfectly ironed shirt for his first high school dance and in those salty tears shed on her wedding day.
A mother's love.
No other love compares. It's giving everything when you have nothing. An inspirational love that makes possible staying up all night with an infant and anxiously staying awake all night years later, waiting for the garage door to open before curfew.
This Mother's Day, we offer profiles of five remarkable matriarchs of Erie families, in the hopes that they capture the spirit of that love and perhaps remind you of your mother and her own journey.
The cards of motherhood
Sunlight shyly peeked through the front windows of Mabel Peterson Tarr's home in Harborcreek Township as she and four of her five children played their every-Friday card game, doughnuts and coffee on the table and laughter and chatter hanging in the air.
Tarr will turn 100 July 13. She has five living children: Kermit "Pete" Peterson, 76, Ken Peterson, 74, and Joni Thompson, 78, all of Harborcreek Township, and Damon Peterson, 69, and Kathy Schriefer, 60, both of Erie. She has 17 grandchildren, 39 great-grandchildren and 20 great-great-grandchildren.
While the mood of the card game is light, things haven't always been easy for Tarr. When she was 35, she and her family moved to Erie from Jamestown, N.Y. The first night in their new home, Tarr's husband died in his sleep from natural causes. Tarr was left with four children, each under 12, to raise on her own -- no car, no family at arm's length, and no job.
After a few years on her own, she remarried and gave birth to her fifth child, Schriefer. Shortly after, she gave birth to a sixth child who died of a congenital heart defect at 10 weeks. Her second husband died in 1977, at 79, from natural causes.
"Mom learned early and well to move past grief and get on with life," Schriefer said.
It hasn't been grief alone that has tested her character. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 29 and colon cancer at 95.
"There's been ups and there's been downs through the years," Tarr said. "Even now, we've got our good days and bad days."
Three lessons she's learned in life: Trust God, look forward and give when you can.
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A mother, a teacherand a caregiver
Carol Troop had a decision to make.
She was a single, young mother of three who'd found the strength to get out of what she says was an abusive marriage. Her friends were trying to sway her into a life of partying and drugs.
"I certainly could have gone that way," Troop, of Erie, said. "It would have been easier. But my mother taught me differently."
So she earned her teaching degree and has been at the head of the class ever since. For 23 years, she has taught at Erie's Pfeiffer-Burleigh School.
She had three more children and raised all six by herself, all while immersing herself in a career that she loved. Education and religion are two things she says she couldn't have made it through without.
But some things she couldn't have prepared for. The death of her mother, her role model, rocked her. A short time later, Troop's 18-year-old daughter died, too.
That's when things really changed for Troop and her family.
"I had a high school friend who approached me not too long ago," said her son, Maurice Troop, 27, of Erie. "He said 'I remember when your sister died. You guys were all different after that. You guys were focused. You had new purpose.' "
Carol and Maurice Troop started a ministry together eight years ago called Odessa's Place, 628 W. 18th St.
Named after Carol Troop's mother, the ministry gives food, clothing and other items to those in need.
"When you've been through something like that, like I have, you start to understand the needs of others," Carol Troop said.
She now has 15 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. Two of her children, including Maurice, followed in her footsteps and became teachers.
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Life lessons vialemon garlic chicken
Cooking isn't just a hobby for Christeen Tolbert and her family. It's a way of life.
Tolbert, 90, of Erie, started cooking at 9; her grandfather said that her cooking was better than her grandmother's. Since then, she's developed it into a family activity, passing down recipes -- and life lessons -- to her large family. She is a mother of 10, a grandmother of 67 and a great-grandmother to more than a dozen.
"Not only does she cook the best food, but when she cooks the food, she gave the lessons," said granddaughter Terri "Peaches" Twillie, 42, of Erie. "Food time was also learning time."
It was a tradition. Tolbert cooked soul food every Sunday for about 50 family and friends. There was never an invitation; the family knew to come. Everything was made from scratch, and everything was good.
That routine changed three years ago when Tolbert suffered a stroke. Her children found themselves not only using the cooking skills she taught them but other lessons as well.
"I've rarely seen her get mad. She is always a peacemaker," said her daughter Sherrie Powell, 59.
Most refer to Tolbert as a "village mom," taking care of many children that weren't hers, including a few foster children.
"What I mean by that, not only does she take care of all of her kids, their offspring and even their offspring, but she takes care of the community and its offspring," said grandson Rausaan Powell, 35, of Erie. "No one is ever a stranger. No one is ever not welcome here."
Her favorite thing to cook?
"I make so many things, I like it all," Tolbert said. "I just love getting together with my family."
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Making it on her own
Laura Jackson knows the difficulties of raising a son. Thirty years ago, she was a single mother raising four of them.
"I had to pull it together because I said 'I'm not going to let anyone else raise my children,'" Jackson, 56, of Erie, said. "It seems like a blur. I'm not sure I know how I got through it."
Jackson worked third shift as a nurse, sometimes working double shifts, all while making sure her boys were in school and church.
"You never missed church," Jackson's oldest son, Jimmy Jackson, 35, also of Erie, said with a laugh. "Come Sunday morning, you were there."
She was barely making house payments and lived paycheck to paycheck. Not knowing where else to turn, she relied on her faith for strength.
"I would come downstairs early in the morning to get breakfast and get ready for school," Jimmy Jackson said. "And she would have gotten off work around four o'clock in the morning. And I see her, asleep with her Bible open and her head down on it."
Her hard work and relentless faith during those trying times certainly paid off.
All four of her boys have successful careers and are now raising families of their own.
She has nine grandchildren, whom her sons say admire her just as much as they do.
Looking back at what she's overcome, her children appreciate the sacrifices she made for them.
"I feel like endurance is one of the things I got from her," Jimmy Jackson said. "I remember her coming home from double shifts. I can remember her picking up the family and not having a negative thing to say when everything in the world was negative at that time. I remember her walking away from situations and always taking the high road."
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A life coach
You know you're a Fessler when a loud, shout-filled, fist-slamming argument symbolizes love. When special occasions may not interfere with Notre Dame football, Cathedral Prep basketball or Cleveland Indians baseball.
Mary Ann Fessler, 80, of Erie, and her husband of 59 years, Don, 82, have 10 children, 41 grandchildren, four great-grandchildren and one on the way.
"I'm so proud of every single one of them," she said. "They've all accomplished so much, in sports and in life, really."
The family is known for its wicked skills on the golf course and its competitive edge. But another distinguishing family characteristic is its Catholicism.
"She didn't want you to pray that you would win," said her son Donnie Fessler, 51, of Erie. "She would always say 'Say a prayer, or I'll pray for you.' But it was always that you would do well. It's not that she wasn't competitive, because she wanted to win."
Five of her 10 children attended the University of Notre Dame. All 10 graduated from Catholic schools in Erie. On Saturdays and Sundays, the family gathers at the Fesslers' home to watch football. Sometimes they attend Mass together.
With so many names in the family tree, the family celebrates birthdays with monthly parties.
Of course, there's the annual Fessler family golf tournament, now in its 20th year. More than a golf coach, Fessler is a life coach. She has always been equally supportive of all her children.
"If you had any success she'd never let you get a big head, just like a great coach," Donnie Fessler said. "But if you didn't do so well, she'd be right there to support you."
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SARAH STEMEN can be reached at 870-1776 or by e-mail. Follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/ETNstemen.
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